Forgiveness: How To Forgive When You Can’t (Or Shouldn’t) Forget
Let’s talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t a weakness.
Forgiveness means giving up the suffering of the past and being willing to forge ahead with a far greater potential for your inner freedom.
Besides the reward of letting go of a painful past, there’s a powerful health benefit that goes hand in hand with the practice of forgiveness.
My own story of forgiveness
In 1997, I was working with a woman and the relationship just wasn’t working. I remember I told you it was several businesses that didn’t succeed. Well, this is one of those businesses.
We worked hard together. I trained her on all my systems. I have given her all my tools. I was trying to be the perfect partner, but it just didn’t work out. We separated ways and we both continued doing what we were doing.
And when I found out that she was teaching all my systems that I taught her, she was using everything, everything that I spent a career developing, to say I was angry, that’s an understatement.
And that was years ago, but over 10 years ago, every time I heard her name, I wanted to spit.
I would cringe. I would get angry. It wasn’t until I decided to let go of the anger and to forgive her that I saw the other angle of the story. I didn’t believe that it was malicious. I believe it was survival. She was doing what she knew how to do for her competition.
It didn’t cause any harm to my business. Her doing didn’t take away from anything I was doing. It only validated the need for what was missing in the business. It took me 10 years to let go of the anger and that frustration and that hurt.
What are you hanging on to? What isn’t serving you anymore? What relationships are complete that you’re still hanging on to because you keep bringing them in?
How do you give up that grudge?
A Harvard research described forgiveness as one of the eight positive emotions that keep us connected with our deepest selves and others.
These positive emotions are said to be the key ingredients that bind us together in our humanity, including love, hope, joy, compassion, faith, and gratitude.
The one question remains, How do we give up that grudge? And how do we forgive someone who’s hurt us, betrayed us, disappointed us?
I want you to review your story that plays in your head over and over and over. And I want you to reengineer that story so you can see yourself in a more empowered way.
I was being a victim. The story I told myself was she stole it from me, she didn’t respect me. But by reframing that story, it empowered me to give it up and gave me a new reality on the situation.
Perhaps you left a toxic partner. You had the fortitude to give up a bad relationship, but you were indeed the survivor and the hero of your own story.
Look at the strength that you developed as a result of that situation. Being hurt or compromising can be your invitation to transformation and transforming a new path in a new fulfilling life.
You can develop your capacity for empathy and compassion for yourself for landing in a powerful situation and a hurtful situation that you now got yourself out of.
Blaming yourself for not seeing the signs sooner doesn’t help. It only slows down the process of making change.
I want you to create a new association with an old story of neglect or abuse that you used to think.
In forgiving something, we don’t condone the behavior. In fact, I don’t condone her behavior. I don’t agree with the behavior. It was how I interpreted that and what happened to me that gave me the power, so now I can let go of the resentment.
If you practice a ritual that signifies the end of things, you can say goodbye to a bad experience and welcome the good, the support, and the love that you can now invite into your life because you have released it.
Remember that you can’t control others, but you can control your own choice.
What happens when you let go of the resentment?
As you continue to reshape your story, become the hero of your own story, develop empathy and compassion for the abuser, and celebrate your strengths, you will undoubtfully notice a shift in your own consciousness.
Your feelings of anger and sadness are likely quite down. Your self-esteem blossoms as your relationships grow. I know it’s hard.
It took me 10 years. I’m not proud of that. But now when I see her, I celebrate with her. She actually signed up for consulting with me again years later, and I helped her grow her business to the next level because I let go of my smallness.
You see, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. In fact, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It’s not the darkness that frightens you the most, it’s your light. You are a child of God and your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
And as you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give people permission to do the same.
So where’s your light?
Let’s spotlight who you are. Let’s let go of the anger, the hurt, and resentment. It doesn’t mean it’s not true. It just means we don’t have to make it mean all that hurt anymore.
Remember, you’re in business for yourself, not by yourself.
Forgiveness is a big part of your business. Forgiveness will allow you to grow quicker because you’re not hanging on to the past if things don’t work for you anymore. You’re hanging on to the future and the possibility.
It’s not a sprinkle of fairy dust. It’s not woo-woo. I’m living proof of that. I wish I had let go of it sooner. I wish I had gotten help sooner. My ego was just too righteous.
So I invite you to post what you need to let go of. Share with our tribe, share it with our community. The truth will set you free. The moment I gave truth to those words, there was freedom that overcame me.
Remember, I’m your sister on the journey. You’re in business for yourself not by yourself. I’m your Profit Coach, Susie Carder.