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PYPP 57 | Learning Through Failure


If you’re faced with hardships and failure, lean in and look at it. Learn from your mistakes. If you lost a lot of money in your business, look into why that happened. You need to adopt a mindset that can look past your problems. Ask yourself what you can learn from that experience. Join Susie Carder as she talks to leading mindset expert, the founder of R3 International Inc., and CEO of H Porta Coaching, Hilary Porta. Learn why she calls herself a life architect and how she changes people’s lives. Find out how she grew her business during COVID. Discover how you can embrace your mistakes and learn from failures. Break through your limiting beliefs today!

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Breaking Through Your Limiting Beliefs And Learning Through Failure With Hilary Porta

You are in for a treat. I know I say that every time but Hilary is a hoot. She is globally known as a leading mindset expert. She is a dynamic speaker, contributing author, life architect, generational shifter and top success coach who brings truth. She helps people, celebrities and elite performers shatter their deepest limits using brain-based strategy to architect their best life and create a generational impact.

She is the Founder of R3 International and CEO of H Porta Coaching, a leading-edge transformational company with offices in Charlotte and the UK. She helps clients through one-on-one coaching, VIP intensives, workshops, retreats and online courses. Please help me welcome, Hilary.

Hilary, I’m so excited that I’m going to introduce you to our tribe and they get to meet you because you are a spitfire and I love it. I love the energy. You are perfect for our readers, who we are and what we are up to. Tell everyone because this might be their first time meeting you. You might have fans following you and seeing you on your site. Tell everybody, what is your magic, what do you do and whom do you serve?

I have been blessed and humbled to serve the clientele that I have. I have a lot of titles, to be quite honest with you. I’m a life architect and a business alchemist. I’m all about rewiring and shattering the mental limits and limiting beliefs that people have so that we can take you to 7, 8 to 9 figures. You got to get out of your way. I help with that.

I have several different companies. One is a boutique strategy practice in North Carolina with satellite offices in the UK. I travel overseas a lot. I have clients globally. Some days I want to pinch myself because I wake up and I’m like, “I get to do this.” I get to have so much fun doing it because I got everything from international conglomerates that I have coached and consulted with. At the same time, I got startups and everything in between. I got A-listers, influencers, actors, producers and elite military special forces. I get to play in the arena with the mindset for professional motorsports teams like Lamborghini, Mercedes and Porsche.

Everybody says, “How do you do all that?” I said, “It is all tied together because I’m more of an intuitive.” I’m very conscious and I try to create conscious businesses and lives because the truth in yourself is that your business and your personal life are going to mirror each other. I treat them both. I’m picky about whom I get to play with if the truth is to be told because I have a lot of one on one private clients. At the same time, I do VIPs, live classes, workshops and retreats. I came back from Cabo, where I led a retreat. I came back from Sedona, where I led another retreat. I’m constantly on the go.

I write for various magazines. I’m on 35 in 2022. I used to co-host a radio show. I get to play in so many different things and be on stages a lot, which I love because I’m a generational shifter. I’m a freedom fighter. I want to shake it up as a total disruptor. If I can help somebody truly throw off and help them heal like a human behavior hacker, that is what I want to do because I can bring their magic into the world. The world can benefit. It is a snowball effect. I get to have a beautiful life and serve well.

You have created it. People think it magically happens.

Are you kidding me? No, this took great intention and good architecting.

You talk about I’m a life architect. What is that? The two words that you said are awesome because they are both on my questions. You are a life architect and business alchemist. Talk about both of those. What is the difference? What is it for people who may not know who that is?

As a life architect, I take a look at your life so we can deconstruct it, recalibrate and design it. I’m dead on when I talk about design because many times in life, we fall into school, love, marriage and kids and we go, “What happened?” It is not a very intentional thing. Not many people that you do find have intentionality about their lives. As a life architect, I help them take a look at what’s important to them. Not one of these, “We are going to have a vacation. Five years from now, we are going to do this and that.” We are going to architect it like we would a house. We are going to get detailed about your marriage, relationships, parenthood and everything from your financials and spirituality. We are going to do it. We are talking about holistic consciousness.

PYPP 57 | Learning Through Failure

Learning Through Failure: As a life architect, you’re supposed to look into people’s lives and deconstruct them. You’re going to recalibrate and design it, from their financials to their spirituality.


You say how you show up mentally, emotionally, financially, physically, relationally and spiritually. I love you said it that generationally.

It was Truman that said, “The buck stops here.” Many times I have seen it throughout the years. I have had an opportunity to work with a lot of people, thousands globally. I see that we are all learning how to be brave and vulnerable despite the wounds that have been created for us. We are becoming but none of us have to live broken. That is the thing. We live it to the blueprint that we had from childhood or societal conditioning. I’m all about, “Let’s scrap it, rebuild it, reinvent it and reemerge.”

[bctt tweet=”You don’t have to keep living broken. Scrap it, rebuild it, reinvent it, and reemerge.” via=”no”]

You’ve had some pivotal defining moments in your life. People look at you and they look at me. They were like, “It is easier for them.” We have all done it in the past because we have a piece of paper. What were some defining moments in your life that led you to be who you are?

Something seemed like it was tragic. All of a sudden, you realize what a gift it was. Mine happened to be a high-conflict divorce. It put my butt in the fetal position for several years. The good news was it forced me. There is everything can be for you or to you. This was for me because it allowed for the opportunity for me to peel back the curtain and get raw, real, naked and go, “Who am I outside of all these titles?” It made me do the deep shadow work, which was beautiful and freeing. It allowed me to say, “I have experienced a lot of contrast in this area. Do I want to wash, rinse and repeat?” No, not at all.

With that, it allowed me to take an honest look and assessment and say, “Here is what I have. Here is what I would like to have. Let’s do a gap analysis and build it.” Unfortunately, he test-drove a lot of models. I had a big ego. My ego was hurt. I felt spanked. This goes back again. I had to learn who I was. I had been functioning as a consultant for so many years and traveling globally in large initiatives and things of that nature.

I was comfortable functioning in that masculine energy that I had to go, “I’m a woman. It is safe to be a woman and I can do this. What is being in this role look like? What is the feminine divine? How do you function in between?” It brought about a beautiful awakening. What is funny is I have gone back and consulted for some of the prior places where I have been employed. They were like, “You were impressive before. There is something different about you.” I said, “I’m less impressive now?” They were like, “No, there is this whole aroma about you that is soft but you are scary smart.” My nickname was The Velvet Hammer because I was nice but worked to get it done.

I have the sparkling hammer and you have the velvet. We are a good team.

We could solve world peace, you and I, together.

When we were talking a little bit about it, I felt like I had to fit into a man’s world. When I was younger, it wasn’t okay to be a beautiful businesswoman or wear leopards and fun glasses. Leopard is my signature color. Getting in touch and using it as a power to go, “It is okay if you cry. I’m not having drama. It is just emotions.”

I remember I was doing this training for a very large prestigious company. We did this ending ceremony where they acknowledged each other. They are crying and I’m crying. I went and talked to the promoter afterward and I was like, “What did you think?” She goes, “I loved it but let’s not do that crying thing again.” I wasn’t doing the crying thing. They were crying. I’m crying. She was like, “We don’t do that here.” I’m the right speaker for you because I’m not going to manage that to go.

I know that you will probably echo this. I have let go of care of the things that don’t matter and being as authentic as I can be, transparent and vulnerable. Being brave enough to talk about the hard things that most people would shy away from.

[bctt tweet=”Let go of caring about the things that don’t matter and just be as authentic as you can be.” via=”no”]

That is why we are seasoned because we can experience that. I came from the beauty industry and there were no women trainers. There was another one besides me. There wasn’t a model of like, “Where do I look for? How do I be inside this conversation?” I had men colleagues. I’m like, “I’m going to wear a blue suit with a red accent.

I look at you as such a trailblazer. You pioneered this in your industry, which I find very impressive and admirable. I had an opportunity to consult with Avada for a while so we can learn a little bit about the industry and things of that nature. You are right. There are no female leaders that are out there that are talking, “What is your SOP? What is this? How can you scale?” It was nonexistent. I have such an appreciation for you for what you have done and accomplished.

What is that inner thing that only you can do? I learned from somebody that looked like me and I looked around. There was nobody like me. God said, “I guess it’s you.” I’m like, “What?” He goes, “You are chosen. Welcome to the stage.” Your divine calling. That is when you were talking about having people see. If I didn’t have a coach like you back in the day that showed me, “This is your calling,” I’m like, “I don’t know how to do this.” You got to have those or die, whether it is a coach, a friend or a mentor.

I’m such a huge proponent of that. I even liken it back to the biblical days and I’m going to throw in a little Bible if that is okay.

You can throw in a little Bible. We are all Bible-believing Christians here.

I’ve been in a women’s ministry for a long time. I was on the circuit for conferences and things like that because I wanted to pour out but also, I wanted to teach. For me, what is amazing is you look at being a strong woman. You look at these things that we need. We have coaches. Coaches become mainstream. It is there for a while. It was like, “You have a coach.” Now, it is like, “You don’t have a coach?” It is more of that question.

Going even back into biblical times, you think about it like Moses. He was parting the Red Sea. For those of you who know the story and if you don’t, you can call me and we can talk through it. He had to raise his hand and stuff. I don’t know about you but if you put your hand up for over 1 minute or 2, your arm starts to get tired.

Sometimes, he is going to do it but if he were to do that, he would have had the sea close up and that would have been thousands of people, livestock, children and women. Everybody killed. Imagine the pressure on him. Aaron came up beside him and held up his arm, which is to me what a coach is. You come up and let the other person shine so you can help them achieve their greatness.

Let’s shift a little bit. Many people are challenged and struggling because of the economy and pandemic. There is always something. We have survived many of them in our business. This season is different from the other seasons that we have survived. What has been your secret sauce because you are still building a 7 to 8-figure business and playing with the leaders? What’s been your secret sauce to stay in action?

I have never advertised ever, which has been amazing and I feel honored that it has been mine. Number one, a lot of people during the pandemic and post-pandemic have struggled to get their businesses off the ground. Mine has ramped up even more. It has been fortunate word of mouth in corporations, doing the keynote speaking and things of that nature.

People are hungry to build something with consciousness. Building something so that they don’t have to go to a job that they can’t stand, which causes them to lose themselves, get disconnected, impact their relationships and parenthood and have that generational ripple effect and paycheck to paycheck. For me, people are excited at the chance to explore how to live like you and me and have the time and location freedom to cherry-pick what we want to do.

I get in dark places. You get in dark places. If I stay in that place too long, I start attracting people and students. They were like, “What is happening?” I’m like, “I am in my funk,” whatever that funk might be. What are some of the rituals that you do to get yourself out of that and stay on top of your game?

The truth is that I don’t have bad days. I have such great amazing super performance habits that I do that ensure that my mindset is where it needs to be. That is one of the things that a lot of the A-listers, the CEOs of international conglomerates and professional football players even come to me for mindset because I have developed my methodology over the years of necessity.

PYPP 57 | Learning Through Failure

Learning Through Failure: If you’ve been hit with things like COVID, you need to ask what that event has taught you.


I have been hit with things like everybody gets hit with. I take a look at it and pull back. I know it sounds weird to say pull back and lean in at the same time but I do. I pull back from everything and lean in. I say, “What does this need to teach me? What am I supposed to learn here and help me to have a teachable spirit?” When I find that I do that, I don’t feel like I fall into victimhood. I feel as if the refining process is burning off something I don’t need. I welcome it.

When you lean into something which could be terrifying at the same time, you have a choice. I will be honest with you. There are 86,400 choices in a day because that is how many seconds we have in a day. Using your mindset and setting yourself up for success versus failure, I can go into my EDD, which is my Every Damn Day. That is what I call all my clients. They all laugh at me.

You have to do that because if not, it is to get swallowed whole. I have studied so much neuropsychology and all stuff like this. I’m a fun nerd. I still do all kinds of things but I am nerdy in studying the depth of it that I have. That is why I call myself a human behavior hacker because I can flip your script and help you from an emotional intelligence standpoint show up to that you don’t fall into these traps.

You are saying it is trained behavior. I don’t have that voice inside my head anymore. I have trained myself not to have it, hear it and listen to it. People are like, “How do you do that?” I’m like, “It’s training.”

It is reprogramming and re-patterning. I have done every modality that you could probably wrap your arms around. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars getting to the master level in those. One of my companies is called Rewire. This is not hypnosis but you go into their subconscious and rewire over the limiting beliefs. That is one of the things that I have found because everybody got something that is going to pop up or trigger something. If you can say, “That triggered me. Let me think about that. Where did it come from? What is it? Is it shame, guilt, not enough or not worthy?” If you find out, you rewire. It is ridiculous. People go, “What is squeaky?”

PYPP 57 | Learning Through Failure

Learning Through Failure: Everybody’s got something that’s going to trigger something. So if you just say, “Oh that triggered me, let me think about that for a minute.” Ask what that is and where that came from.


There is no sprinkle of fairy dust. We have to do the work. You have to have someone who is walking their tongue. I always say, “The tongue in your mouth and the tongue in your shoe have to go in the same direction.” There are a lot of people teaching theory,

I was like, “There are charlatans out there.” I’m like, “That is going to be some bad karma. I wouldn’t think I would play with that, personally.”

I don’t think they know. They do not get it. They are just trying to make a buck. I did my due diligence before you were a guest here to go, “Are they the real deal?” You start digging deeper into the conversation and you can tell, “That is some theory.” I fell for the theory. We all have fallen for it, bought it and wasted money.

We all have in the hopes that it can match up. When it doesn’t, you go, “Really?” If you are using the right mindset, what you do is say, “I’m going to give gratitude for that because it showed me the contrast of what it doesn’t need to look like.”

I’m flipping the switch right there.

If you train and pattern yourself to constantly look for gratitude and the good part of whatever, it happens. In neuroplasticity, what you are going to wire together is going to fire together.

[bctt tweet=”Train and pattern yourself to constantly look for gratitude in your mistakes.” via=”no”]

Let’s flip a little bit because this will be a great example for our students and readers. What has been your biggest failure? What did you learn from that experience?

I don’t love the word failure. The only reason is that I cannot take something negative. I love to use the word contrast because what that does for me is it helps me to understand that it was not so much a failure. It is a learning opportunity to get more tuned in and tap into what I do want versus what I experienced. A long time ago, I had a business partner. What happened was I had a business partner, unfortunately, who couldn’t perform and I didn’t know it until we were already six months.

I have this thing where I always try to look at the greatness in people, try to nurture and help them get to where they need to go. It didn’t work so well on that one. It didn’t even happen. It was one of those things that spanked me and hurt my feelings for a second but it helped me to get dialed into what I did want in the future if should I ever have this partner.

You learn so much to go okay, “Not again.” It sounds like you are a tough nut too. I don’t have to keep learning lessons all the time but I got that one. I don’t need to do it again.

On certain field trips, I never want to go down.

I got smacked or spanked on that one. I got to borrow that one. I love it. Hilary, let’s talk about your wealth strategies. What are your wealth strategies? What do you do? How do you build it?

I try to diversify in the market. I like to invest in real estate. Land is land. Whether you want to build on it, subsidize, rent it out or whatever you want to do, you can always go, “It is a good investment.” We were talking before we got live about how we have both been burned before.

I have made millions and lost millions. You can’t have both. You got to be able to take the down when it is down and the up when it is up.

It is a great learning opportunity and how to strengthen your knowledge with it. I do a lot of that. I’m conservative in the fact that I pay myself first. I have your traditional IRAs and things of that nature. I got three in college so I’m investing in their futures.

I promise you that will be dividends. I did that as well. It will pay us dividends.

I have a lot more traditional, as we talked about. At some point, I was risky with certain things. I have learned over time that there is a certain amount of risk that I can tolerate and what I don’t want to do, I don’t.

You have to, every decade, look at if that strategy is still working. You have to invest for the long haul but you also have to keep tweaking your strategy to go in this season.

You have to be able to pivot too. That is one of the key things too. It is important. Some people forget. They will put their money somewhere with somebody and say, “This is for the long game.” They won’t even look at it. I’m like, “You need to pay attention to it.

For people who don’t know you, Hilary, what do you want to be remembered for?

I was doing a keynote speaking engagement for this wonderful corporation that I love so much. They asked me a couple of questions. One was that and the other one was, how do I define luxury? I was like, “That is a very good question.” I said, “Let me think about that for a minute because they go hand in hand.” For me, luxury, as I have gotten older, changed. It is not about the 2nd or 3rd houses, cars, jewelry or all that stuff. What it has become is to become unheard of. The truth is I don’t want to retire. I have been asked that question all the time. They were like, “When are you going to retire?” I said, “Is it because I’m 55? What the hell are you asking me this for?”

Honestly, I want my last breath to be that of service to others. I’m a generational shifter and a freedom fighter. I want people to be able to live and live well. One of the things that complimented you on is wealth is your birthright. We talk about things like that all the time with our clients and whoever else listens.

You have an inheritance waiting for you to tune in and tap into. Most people think, “Is that when my parents die?” No, it is not. You have to call it in. You have to be intentional about manifesting what you want. There are certain mindset packs that you have to do to get it but it works. I would love my legacy to be that she poured out and was there to serve.

You poured out here and I have so much fun. How can people play with you? Let everybody know how they can get ahold of you because when they are working with you, it is not work. It is play.

I pinch myself times that I have this life because I get up at 4:35 in the morning. I honestly cannot wait to get on a call or get on a plane and do whatever I do or get on my paddle board, depending on what is going to happen. It should be played. You should be dialed into your purpose, like you. It is obvious that you love. You have such a passion for your purpose, great influence and impact because of that. That is the difference. If they want to play with me, I will welcome it.

You can go to my website. It is I am getting ready to open up my mastermind. I open them up twice a year. I got two different ones. One is called the Inner Circle and that is mainly for business. This is helping to get your infrastructure in place. It is your business playbook. You know what I’m talking about. All your SOPs, marketing systems and finances, the whole nine yards. It is wonderful. We have seen such great results with that and had people from nine different countries that are usually involved in it. It is a yummy one.

I have another one. It is called Awakening the Feminine Divine. I’m going to be honest here. This is for women only. It is about learning how to balance the masculine in a corporate setting in the feminine world. Stepping in back into your womanhood and learning who that is and what that is. We are launching that in January 2023. I’m going to be doing some more retreats. Keep looking at my websites.

One of my other businesses is called Rewire. If you go to, you will find out more all about that and all the different services that can help set you free. That is always fun. On Instagram, I’m HP_The_Life_Architect. On LinkedIn and Facebook, I’m Hilary Porta. I have several businesses. One is R3 International Incorporated. It got Facebook and LinkedIn. It got all you need.

We can find her on our website. Anything that you need so that we can support you in staying connected, staying true to your purpose and leveraging your wealth because wealth truly is your birthright. If you love this episode and this conversation with Hilary, please share it with your friends and post it on your site so we can spread the message and have more people living a life that is unrecognizable. Hilary, thank you so much for being here. I love to play with you some more.

I would love it. Thank you so much for the honor.


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About Hilary Porta

PYPP 57 | Learning Through FailureKnown globally as a leading mindset expert, dynamic speaker and contributing author, Hilary Porta’s titles, The Life Architect, Generational Shifter and Top Success Coach ring true as she helps everyday people to celebrities and elite performers shatter their deepest limits using brain-based strategies to architect their best lives and create generational impact. She is the Founder of R3 International, Inc. and CEO of H Porta Coaching, a leading-edge transformational company with offices in Charlotte and the UK serving her clients through 1:1, group, VIP Intensives, workshops, retreats, and online courses.


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