Are you lacking the confidence to bring your business to the next level? Today’s guest might be the help you’re looking for. Yvonne E.L. Silver is the Founder of Women & Wisdom Media – a Confidence Catalyst teaching ambitious female entrepreneurs how to flourish in business and have unshakable confidence to move up from solopreneur to CEO. In this episode, she joins host Susie Carder to discuss how we can focus on self-improvement and harness our true, authentic selves as we work towards success. They talk about the Imposter Syndrome and how to move away from it as well as insights from Yvonne’s book, Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations. Stay tuned!
My guest is Yvonne Silver. She is the Founder of Women’s Wisdom Media, a confidence catalyst who’s changing women’s lives. She teaches ambitious female entrepreneurs and founders with a mission-inspired venture to flourish inside of their business and how to have unshakeable confidence so that they can go on to make a bigger difference in the world and move from solopreneur to CEO. Most of the time, we often lack and struggle with our confidence and we have doubts about having the imposter syndrome. Yvonne teaches us to showcase their value and competent conversations, increase their sales velocity and lead to a purposeful sustainable life with more fun, family and beach time. Please welcome, Yvonne.
I’m excited to have you on, Yvonne. Thank you so much for being here. Your bio is fabulous. Share with us what’s your magic and what is your business doing that’s different and unique from anybody else?
The magic comes from a previous career. I’m working in human resources for over 20 years, interviewing and hiring about 6,000 people in my career. I got very attuned to active listening. One of my superpowers is listening to my clients and very often they come to, if you can imagine, a starscape or scattered dots. They have no idea how to join the dots from 1 to 2 and 2 to 3. One of my superpowers is to look at that bigger picture and say, “How do we join these dots so that it makes a picture?” We then looked at how we monetize it. Listening carefully and then implementing with the power of the universe woven into that as well using intuition and wisdom.
You help all people but women specifically. You work with their confidence and how to get rid of the imposter syndrome, which is a real thing. That’s that fake it until you make it, then all of a sudden you made it and you’re still faking it like, “Who am I?” Give us some areas that we can focus on or improve upon to harness that and own our true authentic selves.
The competence piece came from childhood experience. You’ve got a copy of my books. You know that my first mentor was my mom, a professional woman growing up in England and then married my dad after World War II finished. She was worried she was going to be on the shelf because she married late in life. He had come back from World War II with a bullet in Dunkirk. He was traumatized with PTSD and he took that angriness out on her, diminished to power, constantly criticizing her. That’s what I watched growing up. This whole topic of confidence, how it’s impacted by what other people say and how she had the power drained right out of her. He had taken the housekeeping money, put it into a very small amount and took the car keys. She did lose her dignity.
He turned on me when I was 6 and 11 and told me I would never be successful in life. I’m about to go into high school so that stuck. I put a shield up and hid behind that shield until I was about 45. I realized through a client, an activity that didn’t work, that I was hiding behind the shield and keeping myself small. It was time to come out and write the book. The book has 40 different words and concepts, Words, Women & Wisdom: The Modern Art of Confident Conversations.
It hit bestseller overnight because it was so needed when the #MeToo Movement was emerging in 2018 and women need to understand how we articulate our values. How do we say it so it’s not bragging? How do we step out from imposter syndrome, own what our gifts are and do that inarticulate, concise ways that people resonate with? It is about knowing and resonating with it, not just saying it because faking it until you make it will only take you so far. People can feel the energy.
What are some things that we can do so we’re not faking it? Confidence is one of them but what are some strategies that you have that you can support us within owning that?
It is about doing what is important in work. You can’t fake that. You’ve got to stand and look solidly in the mirror. What I find is women are busy serving everybody else. It takes something Earth-shattering to stop them in their tracks to take time for themselves. For me, it was an event with a client who didn’t listen to the professional HR diamonds. I had worked super hard on that rapport. When he slapped the report, shut and said, “That’s nice but we’ve decided we want to do this,” and it was the opposite of my recommendations, I knew that it was time to make a change because my voice was not being heard. I chose to take three months off, which for some people would be a pretty scary concept, to have a whiteboard that had nothing on it. For a busy person, that’s crazy.
I took the time to find the right coach for me. I did a lot of self-reflection where I watched every video under the sun in transformational teachers to T. Harv Eker and Jane Warlow. I did a lot of work with those programs and emerged after three months saying, “I think I’ve got it,” yet one of the pieces that I do with my clients is to hone it in because sometimes it’s like chasing a kite. You think you’ve got what it is that is your gift and what you want to share with the world then it slips away before you’ve got a chance to grab it. I help my clients get it clear and then articulate them.
When you say it clear, what’s the it?
You talk about the it in your business, which is the processes. I’m not a process person. For me, that’s like pulling teeth. It’s about knowing inside like, “You’ve got this. You are a rock-solid.” We usually work on three things because that’s what most people can remember and combine. Where those three things like a triangle overlap in the middle, that is your sweet spot and unique gift that you are going to share with the world if you are creating your business.
For someone who has a product-based business, they might not have created it from scratch. They might have bought a franchise or been an MLM. It’s a different combination but we all have experiences that are ours to own. No one else can own my experience with my mom growing up and my dad with PTSD. You combine that with having a special needs son who started having seizures at one year old and that whole resilience piece. Twenty years of senior HR work does put a picture together that no one else can own. We all have those things. Sometimes we can’t see it without the help of the coach. It’s like doing heart surgery on yourself. You can’t do it. It’s too painful.
That’s your jam. You are coaching people to that next level, supporting them, seeing their greatness and owning their greatness. Part of that is when you look at your book and the concepts that are in there. What I love about the book is simple doable things that we know but the way you frame it is so different and you are always working on yourself.
Sometimes it’s about the language. What I realized right in the books is that language is the external perception of how you’re feeling inside. If you’re saying, “I should do this,” all the time, it’s that tone of the obligation and negative energy like, “I’ve got to do something for someone else. I don’t want to do it but I’m being forced to do it.” Step into a choice. Flip it from should to could. It has this energy of lightness, possibility, opportunity and openness. It’s different. We all have a choice. Sometimes those choices come with consequences and we might not like them. You talk about the gift wrapped in sandpaper but there’s always a choice. Usually, it’s a better way because if you’re thinking it, that means the universe has downloaded but this could be a possible path.
Listening to the universe and the whisper. Especially as women, we all have that inner compass and intuition that we don’t listen to or we grow up in this masculine world of doing and producing but if we’re not using our gifts, there’s such an opportunity there. You have this whole enterprise that you work inside your business. You work with women’s shelters. Talk about that and why it’s so important to you.
The work I do when I launched the book is I wanted to do self-publishing. I didn’t want to go through a traditional publisher because there is a pretty skinny margin there. You don’t write a book to make money on a book. I wanted to launch the book and still have enough profit there to be able to donate one for every copy purchased to a women’s shelter foundation or not-for-profit. That is rewarding to be able to gift a stack of books, whether it’s making changes or to the local shelter. I even had one pop up on Facebook saying, “You’re Yvonne Silver, the author of Words, Women and Wisdom.”
I had that book on my nightstand when I was in the shelter. I’m about to launch my first book. I’ve got my eCos coming out soon and she went on telling me all the wonderful things that have shifted. I don’t know how much impact my book had on her but enough that she remembered the name and was out rocking it. I was so thrilled and in tears after that because it makes a difference.
Is that from your upbringing, from your experience with your mom and not a relationship?
My mom was never in a shelter but she was beaten down by my dad. Eventually, he left. It was like the happy day is here. He’s gone but she never went back to work. He had such a deep impact on her confidence that she is a stay-at-home housewife, even after the kids had grown up. She never chose to go back to her career or look for something bigger because he’d beaten the dignity right out of her. That is very sad. By that time, I’d already been invited by the UK company I was working with to come to Canada. When I was 22, they picked 3 people to come over to hire and train sales reps. That was one of the things I was involved in.
That was where the HR people start. Sales is a big piece. My first sales gig was at six. I didn’t do the lemonade stand. I was the Doug Walker where a little old lady down the road had broken her ankle and hurt her well as it was needed for walking. I miss seeing her go past every day at the park. When I asked her if everything was okay and realized she had an ankle in the cast, I said, “Would you like me to walk your dogs?” She said, “That would be delightful. How much would you charge?” I said, “Sixpence.” That was my first entrepreneur gig off and running.
I love how you take your mess and created your message where many people sit like, “Woes me. My mess is my mess.” The reality is there are so many gifts that come from being an entrepreneur at an early age, taking that message that your mom got from your dad, serving the community and holding women up to that next level.
It does take a while to hone that message. It’s not something that everybody can just do by themselves. As you and I both know when you start to hone that message, you see a certain amount of success and you’re ready to pull other people along with you, the bigger you play, the more layers there are and the more you have to learn and the more processes. In my work, which is around the conscious CEO, it’s about adding teams.
I’m going back to that HR experience, interviewing and hiring 6,000 people and saying, “What is it that new solopreneur who is seeing success needs to know to move up to a CEO?” It’s about mindset and understanding how to do the work through others. Hire the best, lead and empower them so that you can have more time off and have more beach time because they know what to do. You’ve hired top talent who has your same values and it makes a big difference.
Sixty percent of small businesses have gone out of business during the pandemic or COVID. What’s been your secret sauce or some ways that you can share with us that can help readers stay active and not be immobilized by what’s going on?
During that pandemic time, I already had several long-term contracts in place. Some of those continued and then some of them gradually trickled off. Training and coaching are very often one of the first things in corporations that get cut. At that point, I was passionate about wanting to do more work with women entrepreneurs. I looked at what is in my toolkit, what’s needed in the marketplace and then how can I serve?
If you start from the outside in, it’s not about me. It’s about what is naturally occurring and how can I slot into that need. You’re not creating resistance trying to sell anybody in a thing. You’re just saying, “This is a problem. Like COVID, everyone knows it’s a problem. What can I provide that will make that easier and less stressful for other people?” For business owners, it was about going back to that sales experience and saying, “How can I help businesses get more sales?”I looked for my tools. Once I’d found some amazing tools and wrapped them around personality science, then I started sharing those tools with others because I’ve seen over 300% success increase with it using a particular personality science tool. It helps understand how people want to be communicated. We’re not selling anything. We’re saying here is some information. People are smart. They can make their decision but if they haven’t heard the message because of their style and receptivity to it, then you can’t create that connection that’s needed to have a great client relationship.
Say more about that because I love those tools. What is the personality assessment?
A lot of personality assessments out there are all derived from the Father of Medicine, Hippocrates and the four temperaments. He realized thousands of years ago that he could divide his medical practice into four primary temperaments and treat them differently. Along comes the commercialization of things like DISC, MBTI and a lot of those types of tools that have four primary quadrants. What I discovered because I have this passion for communications and language, I ran across one that was oriented towards how to create more buy-in or predict buying behavior. First, you got to connect with the person and communicate with them. There are four primary styles in this assessment and it’s called BANK.
When you know your BANK code, then you can look at, “How do I make decisions?” More importantly, how do the other three primary personalities make buying decisions, whether it’s buying into an idea or whether it’s an actual sales conversation? What do they need? What’s going to take them off? What’s going to trigger a yes or a no? Getting a complimentary rapport was the first step for me. When I saw it, I loved it right away. I dived in and added another coach certification in addition to my executive coach certification.
I can teach and have taught business owners in a 90-day-period how to tap into the personality intelligence that’s behind this, which is also on an artificial intelligence platform that has spiritual intelligence, business intelligence and sales intelligence. Six bits of intelligence are all bundled in together, which is helpful for entrepreneurs. The first thing is to get your rapport, understand what your BANK code is and then look at who your ideal client, which might like to also understand their personality style better.
Does the BANK stand for something?
It’s four colors. Red, blue, green and yellow. The B is for Blueprint personality. This is very traditional, often lawyers, accountants, policemen and people that are used to working with rules, regulations and structures who also don’t let you be late. They liked you to be traditional. Don’t show up high fiving them or with a crazy busy, messy briefcase that’s not organized. They will not want to do business with you.
The A stands for Action. Action types are your people that are on red bull. They are usually speakers, authors and coaches. At the front of the room, they influence. They move fast, drive fast cars and wear Gucci. Dressing to impress is important to them. It measures success and opportunity like, “Give me the bottom line. Go.” It’s a different pace. You have these to make a clash. Imagine if you had 2 kids on your holiday and 1 is a blueprint. They want the schedule and know, “Where are we going? What are we doing? What time? What do I pack? What can I wear?” The action person is like, “Let’s go zip lining. Let’s go now.” They can’t wait to get out the door.
The N is Nurturing. That’s my primary code, which is all about people, personal growth, community, harmony, making an impact, making a difference, significance and team-working. The last one is called Knowledge. These are the people that love spreadsheets, data and spot conscience and big picture. If you go to a meeting with them and you don’t have data to back it up, “It doesn’t matter what you’re saying about the product. Just show me the proof, the science and the data. Also, don’t be late and expect that I’m not going to make a decision very quickly.”
Nurturers and the actions buy on emotion in more traditional and knowledge-centered based on facts. You want to make sure that you know who you’re selling to or who’s your ideal client so that you can tailor your conversations. You can even tailor your marketing tools. I have a tool that I can cut and paste a conversation from texts, websites or an email and run it through the artificial intelligence platform. It will tell me the code that that note was written in. If I don’t have an official assessment done with them, I can do it in seconds or hand them a link to take and it takes 90 seconds for them to get the wrong report back. I love it because it’s quick. For me, it’s cost-effective in my business too. It works.
It helps you determine the DNA of who you’re selling versus trying to sell to your personality. If we’re selling to our personality, we lose 75% of the market because we’re speaking our language versus who’s in front of us. That’s delicious. How can they get in touch with you? That’s always sexy for me, from work and then to learn how we serve our clients the way our clients want to be served.
The best way is to read up a little bit about what I’m up to but you can access that through my website, which is YvonneSilver.com. You can also receive a copy of your report. If you’d like, you can text me with the word CODE to (403) 668-9279. You’ll get an invitation to move the cards around on the screen, put them in order and put your email in where you want to get your report from. I can follow up with you on that afterward. If it’s about my book, that is on my website as well. There’s a little video introducing the book when it first launched in 2018. I put it on audiobook too. It’ll tell you the three addresses where you can go to get the eBook, hard copy and also audiobook.
Interestingly enough, following your whole BANK system, whichever way your learning style is, Yvonne has got a way that you can take that information in. Let me ask you one final question. If you could be remembered for anything, what would you want to be remembered for?
I want to be remembered for the important fact that your words matter. Pick your words so carefully. If you’ve ever said something in anger and then wished you could take it back, pay attention to your words and language because it can inspire people or demoralize people in a heartbeat. It’s so important to give people the benefit and options in their language and to celebrate. Everybody has a gift to share. Don’t trash on their parade but encourage and inspire others.
Yvonne, thank you so much for being with us and for sharing your wisdom. I look forward to supporting you and your new ventures. Thank you for being here.
Thank you, Susie. I appreciate you.
Yvonne E.L. Silver is the Founder of Women & Wisdom Media – a Confidence Catalyst who is changing women’s lives!
She teaches ambitious female founders/entrepreneurs with a mission-inspired venture to flourish in business, and how to have unshakable confidence so they can move up from Solopreneur to CEO.
They often lack clarity and struggle with doubts or imposter syndrome. Yvonne teaches them to showcase their value with Confident Conversations & increase their Sales Velocity – leading to a purposeful, sustainable life, with more fun and family beach time.